How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
