wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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