I didn't shave. On purpose
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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