We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
birth control should be required to get into college
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
