I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
