Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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