If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
