Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
