...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
