it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
