Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
