DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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