I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
