my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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