this beer tastes like vomit already
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
