the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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