Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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