There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your cock deserves a montage
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
