Can i not drive my cunt home
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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