pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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