I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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