the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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