i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
NoShamevember. You game?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
