i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
