Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
