He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
