i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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