i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
