i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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