I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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