I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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