There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
