I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
