i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
bring money and cleavage
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
