I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
