So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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