He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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