I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize