Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
