alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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