he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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