I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
