i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
