Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize