Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
