All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
