the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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