there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
