Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
