Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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