Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
only if we run a train.
done.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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