Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
