OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
