Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
