You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
