I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
