I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
