Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize