i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
