There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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