she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
