Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
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