he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
