Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
