By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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