she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
