White coat. Heels.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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