Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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