i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
