sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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