Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
