how can u be prego again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm passing your future prison.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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