p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
