the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize