I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
