You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize