Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
