Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
