Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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