Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
