So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize