honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
