Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
