Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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