Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
