hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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