Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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