Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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