nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
