At least make sure they are 18
Why
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
