i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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