You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
