I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
