Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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