I love black thongs
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
